Which of this is a joke
oh my dear? Oh which of this
meant it? Did I mean more?
It’s a wish. Simple as that
but ah no no of course
not simple. Still if it wasn’t
for questions, I feel that
hardly at all I’d speak.
If it wasn’t for confirmations
oh where in fuck would
we ever or even get?
Still, I’ll offer my hand
and still be grateful when
it’s taken. Still, I’ll offer
my voice. Still or always
grateful for its imprint on the air
that has always so far
taken it, carried it.
No matter—
where it lands.
Yes, I was loved
less well than I deserved.
Yes, so were you.
A point in all this? No.
Yet this and/or no reason
nonetheless.
So when we speak to each other
of a past
we are,
neither of us, unsure ever existed
what are we saying?
When I make up a past
or recall a past
to speak it to…
Is this something we’re grateful for?
Am I? Are you?
Still, I won’t get into
the idea of should.
If it’s all the same,
if all things equal,
if that can be and still you be
comfortable, safe, feeling safe,
if, if, if…
that’s not what I’ll do.
I want to know distrust. But more
I want to know why. And
why trust?
I’d like to ask you
for the moment,
Take my hand?
Spill your voice
onto me? Please?
There’s little more
almost nothing more
I could begin to like
or wish for
more than this.
So forget it.
Don’t forget it.
The one promise—
I’ll mean it.
I’ll mean it.
Even when I’m joking
of if I’m joking
I promise I’ll mean it.
I’ll try to do nothing if I don’t mean it.
I’ll try to only do anything if I mean it.
Only if I mean it.
I’ll try I’ll try I’ll try
I promise I promise I promise
credits
from On a Typical Friday Night I Am,
released July 1, 2016
written, recorded, mixed by confetti armor
mastered by Tyler Hartman
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